Should I Find Out the Baby’s Gender While Pregnant?
A Calm Look at What to Consider (And Why There’s No Right Answer)
One of the most common questions you’ll hear in pregnancy — after “When are you due?” — is:
“Are you finding out what you’re having?”
And whether you call it gender, sex, or simply boy or girl, it’s a decision that can feel surprisingly emotional. Some people can’t wait to know. Others want the surprise. Many feel unsure.
At Neutral Nest, we believe in creating space for curiosity, reflection, and the freedom to do what feels right for you. So here’s a gentle guide to help you explore the question:
First, a Quick Note on Terms
Most scans and medical conversations refer to biological sex (based on physical anatomy), not gender identity. The scan can suggest if your baby has male or female genitalia — but it can’t predict how your child will identify in the future.
Still, many families use the term “gender” in this context — so we’ll use both here, respectfully and interchangeably.
Why Some Parents Choose to Find Out
For many, knowing the baby’s sex during pregnancy helps with:
Bonding: It can feel more real when you can picture “him” or “her” (if those terms feel right for you).
Planning: From names to nursery themes to clothes, some people like the sense of preparedness.
Reducing anxiety: For those who feel more settled with information, knowing can bring calm.
Curiosity: Sometimes you just really want to know — and that’s completely valid.
Inclusion of siblings: Older children may enjoy connecting with “their baby brother” or “baby sister.”
Why Some Parents Choose to Wait
Others prefer the mystery — and often for equally meaningful reasons:
It adds to the magic: Meeting your baby and finding out in the moment can be deeply emotional.
It encourages neutrality: Some parents don’t want to project expectations based on gender before birth.
Avoids gendered gifts or comments: Keeping it quiet can protect against pink/blue assumptions.
It doesn’t matter: For many, the baby’s health, not sex, is the priority — and gender can come later.
Some also choose not to find out because of past loss, trauma, or simply feeling it’s not important to them.
Questions to Ask Yourself
If you're unsure, consider:
Will knowing help me feel more connected, or more boxed in?
Am I hoping for a specific sex — and might finding out early give me time to process?
Do I feel pressure to find out, or is it something I genuinely want?
Would I rather prepare with details, or with openness?
There’s no right or wrong answer — just your answer.
A Note on Gender Disappointment
If you’re worried that knowing the sex might bring unexpected feelings — that’s okay too.
Gender disappointment is more common than people think. It doesn’t mean you won’t love your baby. It just means you might need to let go of an imagined version of your future — and that’s a deeply human thing.
Whether you find out at 20 weeks or at birth, you're allowed to feel however you feel. Give yourself grace, space, and time to adjust.
Final Thoughts
Whether you choose to find out your baby’s gender during pregnancy or wait until birth, the most important thing is this: you get to choose based on what feels right for you.
Some people feel excited knowing. Others feel grounded in the mystery. Both are beautiful.
At Neutral Nest, we’re here to support you in making thoughtful choices, free from pressure or assumption — with softness, inclusivity, and space to honour your unique journey into parenthood.