Helping Toddlers Cope With Big Feelings
A Gentle Guide to Navigating Tantrums, Tears, and Everything In Between
Toddlers feel everything loudly — joy, frustration, curiosity, and anger often appear within the same 15 minutes. While their emotional outbursts can feel overwhelming for us as parents, these “big feelings” are a normal part of brain development.
Your toddler isn’t trying to make life difficult — they’re learning how to navigate a world they can’t yet fully understand, with skills they haven’t yet mastered.
At Neutral Nest, we believe the goal isn’t to stop these feelings, but to help our children feel safe while they move through them. Here’s how to support your toddler with empathy, patience, and tools that build emotional resilience.
Why Toddlers Have Big Feelings
From about 18 months to 3 years, toddlers’ emotional brains (the limbic system) are developing quickly — but their rational thinking brain (the prefrontal cortex) is still very immature.
That means:
They feel intense emotions
They have little impulse control
They struggle to communicate needs verbally
They rely on caregivers to help them regulate
Add tiredness, hunger, or changes in routine — and you’ve got the perfect storm for tears, shouting, or refusing to put on shoes.
Your Role: Co-Regulation Before Self-Regulation
We often expect toddlers to “calm down” on their own, but the truth is they need co-regulation first. This means using your calm presence, voice, and body language to help them find their calm — until they can do it themselves as they grow.
Practical Ways to Support Your Toddler’s Emotions
1. Stay Calm (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It)
Your tone, posture, and expression send a powerful message: You’re safe. I can handle this.
Take a slow breath before speaking
Lower your voice instead of raising it
Soften your body language — crouch down to their level
2. Name the Feeling
Labelling emotions helps toddlers feel understood and builds emotional vocabulary:
“You’re feeling angry because you wanted to keep playing.”
“You’re sad that we have to leave the park.”
You don’t have to agree with their reaction — you’re simply showing that you understand it.
3. Offer Connection Before Correction
Before setting limits, connect emotionally:
A gentle touch on the arm
Eye contact (if they’re comfortable)
A short validating phrase (“I hear you…”)
Once they feel seen, they’re more open to hearing boundaries.
4. Keep Boundaries Consistent and Kind
Boundaries help toddlers feel safe, even when they resist them.
“I won’t let you hit. You can stomp your feet instead.”
“It’s time to leave now. Do you want to hop or walk to the car?”
Offer choices when you can — but be clear when something isn’t negotiable.
5. Create a Calm-Down Space
A cosy corner with cushions, books, or a soft toy can be a safe place to retreat when things feel too big.
Not a punishment — an invitation to rest and regulate
Use soft lighting and textures
Offer it as an option, not a demand
6. Model Healthy Emotional Expression
Toddlers learn most from watching you. Show them:
It’s okay to feel frustrated — and healthy ways to express it (“I’m feeling cross, so I’m going to take a breath”)
Apologising when you lose your patience
That all feelings are valid, but not all behaviours are okay
What to Avoid
Shaming or mocking their feelings — it can teach them to hide emotions rather than express them
Dismissing emotions with “You’re fine” — even if they are, it can feel invalidating
Over-explaining mid-meltdown — their brain can’t process logic until the storm has passed
Building Emotional Skills Over Time
You won’t see instant results — and that’s okay. Every time you respond with calm, empathy, and clear limits, you’re building your child’s emotional toolkit. Over time, they’ll begin to:
Recognise and name their feelings
Use words instead of physical outbursts
Develop self-soothing strategies
Trust you as a safe place to turn
Final Thoughts
Helping toddlers cope with big feelings isn’t about avoiding every tantrum — it’s about guiding them through the storm and showing them they’re loved in the middle of it.
Some days you’ll respond calmly. Other days, you might lose your patience — and that’s okay, too. Repair, reconnect, and remember that tomorrow is a fresh chance.
At Neutral Nest, we believe childhood isn’t meant to be tidy. Big feelings are part of the messy, beautiful work of growing — for both toddlers and their parents.